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Family Therapist

Does A Marriage Counselor Know What’s Good For You?

A Marriage and Family Counselor necessarily has a certain vision of life, beliefs, and his own experience, which means that he may know what he would have done if he had been in your place. But it is not in your place; your situation is you who live it.

Supporting Relational Life

The profession of Marriage and Family Counselor aims to support relational life, whether it be love, marriage, family, professional, or friendly, whether it results in isolation, loneliness, mourning, frustration, separation, violence, emotional dependence, and the quest for identity.

The mission of a Marriage and Family Counselor is to accompany you in your crisis, help you realize what you really want, and pave your way to get it finally.

A Marriage Counselor Is Allowed To Comment

Of course, as a Marriage Counselor, I received training and have experience with human situations that will allow me to comment to you on what could happen according to your choices. I can also give you information on opportunities that exist and that you may need to learn about. But it is in the process of making available to you the information I have that could be useful to you and not influence you.

In the official repository of Marriage and Family Counselor skills, it is mentioned: “Ability to help people received to regain and restore self-esteem, their freedom to think and act. 

If I thought I knew what is best for you, the best decision or direction to take, I would do the opposite to help you take charge of your life and regain your freedom! My goal is not that you come to see me with every decision in your life but rather that you soon no longer need me.

Do Psychotherapy

People training to become Marriage and Family Counselors are strongly encouraged to do psychotherapy to know themselves and their own wounds so as not to be carried away by their own experiences when they see people.

Dr. Wendy M. O’Connor is a famous Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in Los Angeles, California, and provides the best couples therapy in LA.

Family Therapist

How to Listen Well To Your Partner?

Communication is the key to the success of any human relationship, and this is all the more the case in a couple because of the outbreak of emotions that the couple provokes. Communication does not only mean speaking and expressing one’s opinion, but it is, above all, based on listening: on positive interaction with the other person. Many people find it difficult to listen to their partner; they are content to hear what is said but do not install what would be “active listening.”

Listening to your partner means giving him importance, valuing his ideas, and analyzing their deep meaning. Thus, we can then respond while avoiding the misunderstandings that generally lead to conflicts and frustrations.

On the other hand, when we listen to our partner, we show him that we are present, attentive, and caring. This is also how we allow others to feel reassured in our company and, therefore, show themselves, in turn, to be attentive and benevolent. Here are some keys that will allow you to better listen to your partner and, therefore, to be better listened to.

Prioritize Open-Ended Questions

To be attentive to your partner, you must first let him speak and express his thoughts. In order to put him more at ease, it’s best to ask open-ended questions. These give more freedom to the interlocutor while offering him the attention necessary to continue the discussion.

Avoid Judging

After letting him express himself freely, it’s time to listen to his partner. We talk about listening and not about hearing because by listening, we are attentive to the deep meaning of things, we keep an open mind, and above all, we do not judge.

Ask Questions And Summarize What They Say. 

To listen well to your partner, you must make sure you understand him well. Suppose the person tells you something, and you don’t understand everything. In that case, you can ask for more information: on the one hand, you will understand their feelings better, and on the other hand, they will feel better listened to: they will therefore be able to conclude that your eventual disagreement will be sincere and honest, rather than stubborn and narrow-minded.

Have Good Non-Verbal Communication

Your gestures have a very important role with your romantic partner; it is your non-verbal communication.

– To listen to your partner, it is best to stay facing them while maintaining a relaxed posture. This will put the person at ease and won’t feel uptight or neglected.

– Keep direct eye contact, and try to show that you are well-concentrated by avoiding looking at details around you. 

– Perform small gestures that show that you are an active listener: like approving by raising your head or helping you with your hands to rephrase your partner’s sentences.

To listen to your partner, you have to follow his rhythm.

You may pick up on what the other person is saying quickly, or they may pause a lot in the conversation. At that time, it is best to leave him at his ease so that he can think, find his words, and express himself in his way. Try not to rush to answer or argue your opinion.

Be Attentive To the Words But Also To the Gestures.

Communication is not just about words. The body also expresses itself and sometimes informs better than anything that can be said. So, to better listen to your partner, pay attention to his gestures, his facial expressions, and the expressions on his face: these are signals that will let you know that you may be too aggressive, too insistent, or conversely sufficiently comforting and relevant.

Use The “I” To Express Your Opinion.

When talking about your own view of the situation, it is recommended to say: “I” think, in “my” opinion, etc. The idea is to always show that your opinion is purely subjective and that you do not consider your opinion as a holy word. This way of expressing yourself shows your partner that your opinion is not a threat to his own view of things and, therefore, that a positive solution can occur.

Show Empathy

When your partner talks to you about what they are feeling, be it joy, fear, sadness, or anxiety, show them that you understand why they are feeling and never overlook these emotions. This is called empathy or identification with another’s feelings. This capacity for empathy is very important to establish a connection between two people, which in no way can be simply pragmatic and intellectual.

Listening to your partner is a very important part of communication within the couple. It must go through several stages, including understanding, listening to words, taking into consideration non-verbal communication, and empathy. Sometimes it becomes difficult to manage the communication of your couple. At this time, it is recommended to seek professional help. 

Dr. Wendy M. O’Connor is among the famous Relationship and Marriage Counseling Therapists in Los Angeles.

Family Therapist

Best Tips for Dealing with Anxiety Attacks

While fear and feelings of anxiety can accompany people with anxiety to the point where they almost get used to it, panic attacks are times when anxiety peaks and can cause genuine panic fears. Psychotherapy is the preferred treatment to consider in such situations. However, it is also possible to learn how to better calm and overcome them through various methods and techniques.

Here you will find our advice for managing and soothing your anxiety attacks on your own, and it is again specified that none of these methods should take you away from psychotherapeutic treatment.

Spot The First Signs Of Anxiety

Certain physical signs can announce the onset of anxiety, such as increased breathing, the feeling of chest compression and handshakes, sweaty palms, dizziness, and other localized pain. Recognizing and spotting these first signals is essential because it helps to slow down the evolution of the rise in anxiety by reversing its dynamics. This can help avoid having an anxiety attack.

Food Supplements and Phytotherapy

It is strongly advised to consume herbs and plants in the form of herbal teas in order to reduce or at least accompany the drug intake. It is important to seek advice from your herbalist or your pharmacist to choose the right plants, especially during pregnancy or breastfeeding. The plants best known for their benefits and anti-anxiety properties are Rhodiola, hawthorn, and passionflower.

It is also recommended for people with anxiety disorders to take magnesium because, due to stress, the rate of the latter in our body is greatly reduced. The magnesium then helps to regulate muscle contractions and soothe the person.

Cardiac Coherence 

When you feel the anxiety rising, you can deal with it by taking a deep, slow breath for 5 to 10 minutes. When we voluntarily reduce and calm our breathing rate, our heartbeats are slowed down, and our mind calms down with this new rhythm. This method is called “cardiac coherence” and is one of the most effective techniques.

To do this, you must therefore inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and then completely empty your lungs. It is important to focus entirely on your breath. Thanks to this technique, you will solicit your parasympathetic nervous system, which is the body’s center of relaxation, and you will inhibit the action of the orthosympathetic nervous system, which, in turn, is responsible for excitement.

Your brain will therefore be focused entirely on your breath and will neglect the symptoms and worries that cause you this angst and anxiety.

Play Sports 

It is recommended to maintain movement from the onset of your seizure, if possible. The level of cortisol is lowered when you exercise, which is the stress hormone. Try to fight the paralysis caused by the presence of stress by keeping your body moving. Jogging, Yoga, walking, or cycling are excellent ways to get your body to breathe and reduce your anxiety.

Consult a Psychologist 

When they are significant, anxiety attacks can make life heavy and force the individual to put in place numerous avoidance or control behaviors which generally increase the feeling of anxiety. In addition, the fear of a crisis occurring sometimes creates a vicious cycle between episodes, with some people developing anxiety at the thought of becoming distressed. 

Consulting a psychologist is essential, and if possible, before the situation worsens and becomes invasive. Your psychologist will explain to you how anxiety sets in and how to reverse the dynamic to regain balance and control of your mental life. 

I am Dr. Wendy M. O’Connor. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Los Angeles, California. If you are looking for a Psychotherapist in Los Angeles, you can contact me anytime. I am available at working hours.

Family Therapist

How Narcissistic Perversion Develops In The Couple?

Many people can be led to live a conflictual couple relationship but to speak of narcissistic perversion, and it is important to have what is called a so-called complementary relationship.

Relationship Building

To begin with, and this is very important, we must not look at the partners one by one but at the type of relationship that is created:

It is a rigid complementary relationship that functions like an interactional dance between two partners, one in a superior position and the other in a subordinate position.

To understand how this type of relationship is built, it is necessary to take into account three indicators:

  1. The first indicator is the requirement versus the sacrifice.
  2. On the one hand, there is someone, for the example we will say that it is the man, “him,” who is never tuned in with the will of the other, “her,” and which requires that the relationship serves above all to satisfy her needs like a spoiled child. On the contrary, there is she, who accepts the conditions demanded by her partner by sacrificing herself.
  3. So an interactional game develops in which the one who sacrifices reinforces the behavior of the one with this requirement.
  4. The second indicator is devaluation versus the need for recognition 
  5. We are faced with repeated and systematic criticism in daily life, for example, how to clean vegetables, drive, dress, or educate children.
  6. Often the criticisms are disguised as teaching advice or as jokes, resulting in the victim feeling even more confused and disturbed.
  7. It’s a dance that she does in a subordinate position so as not to lose him and a dance that means to him that she must perform immediately; it’s her position of superiority. She does all this with the idea: “I have value, and one day, I hope he will recognize it.”
  8. The third indicator is the lack of attunement with the other versus the visibility search:
  9. On the one hand, there is him, who has no interest in deep experiences with the other and could be defined as an emotional illiterate: it’s like a magician who disappears every time you have to go and listen to the other. We could do an experiment, try to say a word during their monologue of these stalkers, and suddenly you become completely invisible. He only hears the sound of his voice and sees only his reflection in your gaze. On the other side, there is her, who seeks to be noticed more and more by using all possible means.

The Interactional Game of a Couple

This interactional game of couple is a scenario, and if it is repeated over and over again is likely to go as far as criminal harassment, which finds its origin close to any pathological obsession.

If you are looking for a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles, California, visit The Traffic Light Center website for more information.

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